The closer you get to trial, the better and better your case looks. Clarence Thomas would break into tears if he heard it.
So – as complied by the Scoplaw, Last Against the Wall, The Dapper Floridian and Let Them Eat Motions, the following motions seem increasingly appropriate to file for the attorney deep in trial psychosis.
Motion to Have Sentencing at Beginning to Clarify the Stakes
Motion for Prosecutor to Answer One Question from Client Truthfully, No Mater What Question Is, or Have to Accept the Dare Option
Motion for Court to Order Champagne in Light of Impending Victory
Motion for Court to Give Defendant Thumbs-Up Whenever Referred to by the Court
Motion for Case to Be Decided By Arm Wrestling Match Between Me And Prosecutor Right Fucking Now!
Motion for Court to Find Defense Way Way Victorious
Motion for Court to Play Rocky Theme as I Raise the Defendant's Hands Above his Head
Motion for Prosecutor to Get a Tat in the Image of My Hand on His Ass
Motion for Prosecutor to Only Speak with Downcast Eyes
Motion for Prosecutor to Accept Defeat Gracefully Despite Repeated Defense Taunting
Motion for Prosecutor to Nolle All Future Cases Involving Defense Attorney
Motion for Prosecutor to Apologize, Personally and Profusely, with Tears
Motion for Prosecutor to Drop on Knees and Beg Forgiveness
Motion for Court to Amend Constitution to Keep this Shit from Happening Again
Motion for Prosecutor to Reexamine Life of Locking Homeless Addicts Up