So – I had intended to blog on the second round of classes – which were very interesting. Instead, I find my inclination to blog on LS is kind of burnt out. Perhaps I’ll have something tomorrow or Friday.
Actually, this has been kind of a weird personal day for me. Disconcerting by turns. In no order - I was contacted by The GlobeTrotter, an ex who is doing very well, but who has a close relative that I admire who is in some kind of serious legal trouble, which is awfully disappointing to hear (no details as of yet, and they’d be an off-blog topic anyway). I found out this evening that the Firecracker (best friend from college) had a son sometime in the past year!!! I am being officially dissed by the woman I was seeing over the summer, and am basically just. . .well, I guess I’m not waiting for anything – I already know things are over, I’m just not eager to move on. I found out a moderately close friend from gradschool got married and had a daughter, kind of an after-shock after the Firecracker.
That’s what I get for sending out a “new contact information” e-mail to the third round of peeps; or perhaps what I get for hermiting out for a year.
I hereby pronounce today the day of sudden news and trouble surrounding female friends of old, particularly ex-girlfriends.
I don’t mind letting people go (I say, perhaps unconvincingly) – I mean, if you’re friends with someone you have to let them have a chance to make exclusive connections with people, which means, more or less, getting out of the way when the time comes. However it’s hard to be reminded about the things you love them for, in light of the fact that you will probably never experience those qualities in the future, at least not on any kind of consistant basis. So while I’m glad these people are (almost) all doing well, there’s also a kind of resignation involved in my hearing about, say, the GlobeTrotter’s new man, or two of my exs being on better terms with each other than they are with me, or the Firecracker’s son.
Her son. Good God.
Blergh. I think what’s really bothering me is that I’ve lost nearly all my close confidants from the past 15 years or so. That’s hard, even if I’ve lost them for the right reasons. And it’s interfering with how I really ought to feel, which is largely happy for other people’s good fortune. Should I expect that people will not progress with their lives, not make large changes, not, essentially, grow?
I’m taking my emotional unreasonableness and jealousy and going to bed.